make me a promise here tonight
May. 26th, 2025 02:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
themusicorthemiseryhi blog. time isn't feeling real. it's 2:12am and i kind of feel like i'm crumbling at the seams. i couldn't tell you when i woke up or fell asleep last but i've been showering real consistently. i just slept over at L's house which i want to detail more in a separate post but i know i'll never get around to it. i'm just so far removed from that feeling right now that i can't imagine trying to reach it. i think that's a constant problem for me, i don't know how to feel emotions out of the moment i feel them. maybe that's an adhd thing. i don't know the last time i took my vyvanse. it could've been yesterday.
as i said, feeling unreal. this feels dramatic of me, because i feel like i've been fine but also... i know i had a panic attack recently. not sure when but i know it happened and it wasn't my favorite moment in recent history. i think i've been applying gel every night but i haven't noticed anything besides maybe a dry cough once in a while.
i wanted to try and pretend nothing's happening, so i don't expect results, but it's hard when it's part of my daily routine and i see no change. one day at a time, for the rest of forever, i'm sure something will happen soon. it has to.
i feel like i’m just talking to fill my void right now. i think there's texts i haven't answered. i don't feel like i can. i don't feel like i can do much right now. one of those days. i'm tired of everything i know how to do. i don't know what to do about that.
honestly i left for a minute (thirty) and came back but my glasses are off and i can't read over anything i wrote earlier. blessing or curse? not sure. also got way too obsessed with katseye since you last heard from me. L would have every right to be sick of it. i think this is enough from me for the time being. scattered is fitting. be back soon.
as i said, feeling unreal. this feels dramatic of me, because i feel like i've been fine but also... i know i had a panic attack recently. not sure when but i know it happened and it wasn't my favorite moment in recent history. i think i've been applying gel every night but i haven't noticed anything besides maybe a dry cough once in a while.
i wanted to try and pretend nothing's happening, so i don't expect results, but it's hard when it's part of my daily routine and i see no change. one day at a time, for the rest of forever, i'm sure something will happen soon. it has to.
i feel like i’m just talking to fill my void right now. i think there's texts i haven't answered. i don't feel like i can. i don't feel like i can do much right now. one of those days. i'm tired of everything i know how to do. i don't know what to do about that.
honestly i left for a minute (thirty) and came back but my glasses are off and i can't read over anything i wrote earlier. blessing or curse? not sure. also got way too obsessed with katseye since you last heard from me. L would have every right to be sick of it. i think this is enough from me for the time being. scattered is fitting. be back soon.
