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bitchinsandyi had to do something pretty hard with my friend recently, and that was taking a break from the friend group. i wont get into my other friends personal struggles because that'd be shit to do, but i had to set some boundaries for us both so the friendship would stay good. thankfully, unlike a lot of the people me and my friend have to deal with, they were mature about it. i can only hope this means we stay friends for a long time because i do care about them a lot. before we confronted amethyst (the friend i needed to set boundaries with) me and topaz got on the phone for a bit to discuss our thoughts on the matter.
i hung out with the other friend (should i just code name each one??? fine. this one's name is topaz they're the nice one that defended me about my abuser when i started getting called "wrathful" by our very christian friend for being angry about the abuse)
topaz and amber (the guy ive mentioned here before.........still dont know if i have a crush on him or not.) hung out after all that transpired and then i went to bed. woke up really disheveled because i don't usually stay up at 3:00 anymore -- for good reason.
now the girl who victim blamed me -- diamond -- is SPAMMING the group chat's text message group. and it's really embarrassing and puts me on the spot. not to mention she dares post about my abuser JUST to joke about, who she so conveniently didn't want to talk about because she won't admit she still feels bad for him -- a literal criminal -- and wants him to "get better" despite his multiple irredeemable offenses. why? because she wants the moral high horse. and when that gets THREATENED -- like when i correct her about something politically cross -- she wants to protect that, but will NEVER admit it. she's suddenly talking about the #FUNNYROFL news about turnip and muskrat and said she "suspected turnip was on the list" yet she didn't know turnip was a disgusting piece of shit until i told her 7 months ago. she assumed he was just a "shitty public figure" at her grown age and SWEARS shes 'researching', but really all that researching is just mildly reading through 2 twitter posts every 5 months. i'm sorry if this all seems harsh, but i just can't stand the girl because shes CONSTANTLY trying to cover her ass and cowers anytime anyone else suggests anything different than her world view. "i'm sensitive"? yeah we're all sensitive but its alright to be INSENSITIVE as long as it isn't you getting hurt. then it's "i'm sorry you feel that way". god this girl makes me need a smoke.
moving on, i told my best friend about the situation. and...crickets. kinda. sometimes my best friend acts like i've grown 3 heads for no reason, and its because my best friend says i talk dry, but that its "no big deal"....but clearly my bsf is bothered by it. ill offer some background.
me and my bsf met when i was 13 years old. and 13 year old sandy was very, very, very, very energetic and just generally the gentle christian type. -- like diamond, but way less politically airheaded. my best friend remembers that sandy much more fondly due to my energy. then, my bsf kinda started checking out, i got sadder, years went by, i got colder and more closed off because i expected too much of my friends (the large majority had forgotten about my birthday, my bsf and one other friend did not, but it still hurt a lot.), and my bsf is still having a hard time adjusting. at first i tried being patient, but now im sick of it because my bsf acts like i'm some weirdo that came up to them and started talking about goddamn quantum physics. i never know what my bsf is thinking and my bsf won't really tell me. i guess my bsf thinks that if my bsf waits long enough, the old me will come back, and that makes me a little angrier because i'm not being allowed to grow or change. i still have my core kindness and gentle nature, i'm just more aloof on the outside. there's nothing wrong with that and im always the one trying to get communication in the friendship. being less energetic is not a crime. i don't want to act the way i did all the god damn time, especially when it doesn't make me happy. why is it so hard to make and keep friends ??????
and now im just sitting here sick to my stomach cause i had to eat food that my body is physically wanting to reject (some nasty pizza my family keeps getting - eugh.) and lights are too bright and sounds are too loud. and my uncle is here too. marvelous. at least i get to play more sims in my room??
