i got the flu

Jun. 18th, 2025 02:10 pm
bitchinsandy: a closeup of a red heart shaped vile (Default)
[personal profile] bitchinsandy
After about a week of cooking and doing chores for my family, i finally caught the flu from them. YAY!
it started subtly when i woke up, super fatigued (even though i went to bed early), sore throat, got up to do dishes and my chest began hurting like a cinderblock was on it. so i think, maybe if i drink some tea it'll go away! the sore throat sure, but not the cinderblock. then it spread to my whole body and i popped some pain pills and fell asleep twice. LOL. now im here and i'm super hungry. my moms asleep so she cant cook me anything. might just do it myself since i cooked a nice pot of stew the other day.

tw for my weird pedophillic ex, read more if you dare )

but i'm done with that, i'm just gonna try to have a good day while being sick as i am. god my back hurts, though. 

(no subject)

Jun. 18th, 2025 10:08 am
greghousesgf: (pic#17096904)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Looking forward to seeing my friend for drinks and possibly dinner at North Light this evening. I've been thinking and I seriously doubt she'll judge me negatively about the overpriced tarot card business. Anyway I had a text conversation w/her earlier this morning and she didn't even bring the subject up.

(no subject)

Jun. 17th, 2025 01:51 pm
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[personal profile] greghousesgf
Had some English Afternoon tea. The tarot readings were $35 each which I think is too expensive so I just had a drink and left. I'm supposed to have my friend come over and visit tomorrow, she's the same person who told me about the tarot thing in the first place and I think she'll probably ask about it and I'm feeling too embarrassed to tell her.

(no subject)

Jun. 16th, 2025 11:59 am
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[personal profile] greghousesgf
Tonight should be interesting, I'm going over to North Light again after dinner at home because a FOAF is doing tarot readings.

(no subject)

Jun. 15th, 2025 11:35 am
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[personal profile] greghousesgf
I'm waiting for my laundry to finish in the dryers. I had a terrific time yesterday except some old man tried to steal my pizza right from under my nose and some dork was convinced I must have kids because I was wearing a T shirt with Donald Duck on it. What?!
At least the Stones soundalike band kicked ass but I wasn't expecting otherwise.

hungry twink ass fag checkin

Jun. 15th, 2025 11:11 am
bitchinsandy: a closeup of a red heart shaped vile (Default)
[personal profile] bitchinsandy
Im waiting for my mom to make lunch but honestly not much has been going on. i just felt like writing today.

i've been dragging myself to go back to my routine of reading a book for a few hours with my tea but it's just so hard when you're not hooked on a certain book anymore. the one i DID like and COULD read somehow got worse by the second book and i've been dreading so hard to actually read it through. i love reading but i despise the work it is to find genres and books i truly like because so many of them get so corny that it's impossible to read. reading is really special to me when there is a good book because it really helps me tune out my surroundings while i'm still there in my livingroom. when i'm hyperaware of where i am i get really upset that my life is stuck like this (for now) so having something i can immerse myself in keeps me company.

i've also been cooking -- i don't want to constantly skip dinner anymore when there's nothing to eat because clearly the hunger is causing me insomnia so for the past few months i've been trying. so far i can only cook broccoli and sweet sausages -- which really isnt anything considering i can cook hotdogs and have been able to for years but it's progress because i also had to caramelize them and my dad really liked them so, win? i'm still trying to get help with making stew because i really, really, really like soup and stew. if im hungry and i have to cook some soup i'm not complaining LOL

i'll write some more later ciao


I

Jun. 14th, 2025 03:07 pm
greghousesgf: (pic#17098552)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
The Wes Anderson movie was great, I am now at the North beach street Fair and am having a great time.
bitchinsandy: a closeup of a red heart shaped vile (Default)
[personal profile] bitchinsandy
i haven't slept. so fucking serious. i have not slept. i got 2 hours of sleep.
i knew i was in for a rough one when i saw the sun come up and my stomach was still screaming from hunger. my parents have both been down and sick for about 4-ish days. my dad took care of me and my sister by giving us food but i didn't score dinner tonight (unless you count dutches potatoes, but my hunger is almost unsatisfiable because im going through a growth spurt. sigh) 

so i've been up basically all night because everytime i'd try to sleep i'd be overwhelmed by hunger. so what did i do? read. on my bright ass iphone 12 mini. my eyes are suffering for it. my eyesight is just getting worse too, way harder to see stuff from far away, but not enough to where i need glasses. just that i cant really read text from far away anymore LOL. i had this problem as a kid every now and again but the eye doctors didnt believe me because i was laughing from confusion when he asked me to read the charts.

everything i read was atrociously bad. so my day is already soured, LOL. it didnt help that my mom pulled me aside all awkward to talk to me. i love her and all, but jesus girl it's too early. talk to me at 9.

more than anything right now i just want to curl up and pass out now that ive finally gotten something in my stomach. which was cheese, tea, and fucking pistachios. i do not like pistachios but this is all we have unless i want to dirty up at least 10 dishes to make a fucking egg.

i'm already dreading going outside of my room. my sister is up and i just want the day to myself. i'm gonna be a real pain in the ass today, i'm sure.

that all aside, the title of this entry is just something i was thinking about earlier. is it just me who feels like theyre too weird to socialize with others, even ones who share the same interests, but too weird to keep the friends they have? i feel like im constantly teetering on the edge of being forgotten by my peers. im not interesting at all, my social skills are shit, im usually just a third wheel, and making friends is terrifying for me. especially asking questions. not like i can really connect with anyone who shares my interests to begin with, a lot of them are people i dont want to associate with or they're...adult spaces only? despite my interests not being explicit in the slightest. not sure how i manage to score the most unfortunately niche interests but i do. and somehow, for some reason, people want to copy that despite it being like, one of the most isolating facts about me. asides from my autism that is. don't i love being disabled and getting discriminated against for it but only in the mild ways to where it took me a damn long time to even realize it!

i don't know. i just feel hopeless right now. am i always gonna be alone? probably not, but i just feel really lonely right now. and its taking my balls to admit that considering i hate being pitied so much. but it's my journal so whatever, weak sandy moment for the masses!




what a joy to be pursued

Jun. 14th, 2025 08:23 am
seaglassgarden: an orange and black butterfly (Default)
[personal profile] seaglassgarden
[current fronter: jon (she/he, 30s)]

good morning, dreamwidth. today i have put far too much lemon juice in our tea. our tongue is not happy about this. not even watering it down seems to help

it's been a remarkable few days here, made more so by how normal they already feel. we used to be a plural system with a main fronter; now we switch out every few hours, not by chance but according to our own plans. ive heard the voices of headmates who haven't fronted in years. we feel truly plural for the first time

nightshade was completely depleted of life. this could be explained simply (zey were depressed), but i find it more accurate to think that zey lost whatever energy zey had that was meant to shield the rest of us from the cruelties of this world. zey had been our sole protector since the body was four. i think zey became too saturated with pain. zeir spirit ran out. and, honestly, zey'd gotten us to a place in life we can manage with teamwork long ago. so that's what we've started doing. we've broken up our work shifts into pieces and do mini "shift changes" after each break. and we share our time outside of work, too. i think everyone is susceptible to a feeling of emptiness once they've been at the front alone for too long, so we've instituted a buddy system so everyone always has company—and solitary fronting is limited to two hours

im surprised at how easy it's been. i think this is what nightshade's heart has been guiding zem toward all along. zey've experienced a lot of things (depression, despair, dysphoria) lately, but the constant has been a feeling of wanting a change. those specific manifestations deserve scrutiny, but i think this was the thing zey needed. it's encouraging to see zem enjoying life more now that zey are responsible for tiny pieces of the work day instead of the whole thing. and a side-effect of this is that it no longer upsets zem when zeir scattered but well-meaning friend barely texts zem at all during the day. zey weren't present for it! and it hardly bothers us. it's been a shift for that friend, certainly, but i think a necessary one. the cost of nightshade always being available to talk to him meant zey had to endure long periods of silence and the feelings of abandonment that came with it. now they will talk when nightshade wants to be here. i hope he appreciates zeir presence at the front as more of a gift than a baseline

we all feel fairly unified in our goals for the life as a whole, too. before our big shift, nightshade wrote a lists of traits zeir ideal self would have. by and large, the person zey imagined is someone we would all enjoy being: social, creative, physically fit, engaged in a lot of hands-on hobbies...hard to argue with any of that. even goals zey thought would be tied specifically to zem, like zeir writing projects, have turned out to appeal to more headmates than expected. i think a lot of zeir depression stemmed from how impossible zeir big goals felt. it must feel strange to share those projects with other people; conceptualizing zemself as a writer has been a constant in zeir life since childhood. i hope zey can still take pride in the projects we work on together. they still feel like nightshade's projects; to me, it feels like zey are the master and we are the students working in the same workshop as zem

there has been an exciting new development lately: nightshade has made a new friend! they are someone in our main discord that zey clicked with immediately. they seem like a thoughtful, kind person who tends to be open about their emotions (much like nightshade), and it's no surprise that they connected right away. we are all a little wary of how this will play out, though, given that this is that discord (the one where zey dated two different members, with both relationships being absolutely awful). it's less zeir own growing interest in this person that worries us; it's the fact that they seem to be equally interested in zem! what a nerve-wracking development! but im being dramatic. i like this person. they are very good at holding a conversation over text, which is a welcome change from our local-but-spacey friend. i hope they talk more, and i hope the development of this friendship is pleasant for both of them. nightshade has felt...awake again, in a new way. it's nice to have one's thoughts valued and sought out like that

update from a few days in the future: those two are off to the races, it seems. they've voice-chatted about all sorts of personal topics, and it felt affirming and comfortable and exciting for zem. before nightshade went to bed last night, zey said it felt like no one's ever expressed this kind of interest in zem. this could develop in all sorts of ways, but this new person has expressed a potential interest in dating if things happen to go that direction. god, what a joy to be pursued! i think there is no better salve for their recent wounds than that

what else? we made a very tasty tuna melt. we had a big corporate visit at work that went well. nightshade started a new collage art project that has been fun to execute so far. every other thursday, one of our friends hosts murder mystery club. he's a good host who is very thoughtful about choosing a pre-show and post-show as well, often with works that have entirely different tones and visual styles. nightshade had the idea to take screenshots of the things we were watching during the showing and then turn them into a collage. very fun process! and the result is that other people who attend club now have an art piece to remind them of what we watched that session. i think we'll keep doing this. other than that, we've had a great deal of work to do. today is our only day off in between six-day weeks, so we have a lot of chores to handle. time to get on that, i think

taking the big leap

Jun. 14th, 2025 03:38 am
bitchinsandy: a closeup of a red heart shaped vile (Default)
[personal profile] bitchinsandy
ok so a small amount of talkable-stuff has happened, ill write it down quick since its 3 am and im only up because im sick to my stomach.

flirted with amber a little. on a whim mostly but i've been feeling like maybe i should take the chance if i know i might like him. he is really handsome and sweet when we're not joking around, although i still want to get to know him better. i told him he was sweet and another time i told him he looked stunning......................under the guise of me joking about his shirt. its stupid but its the only way i know how to test the waters </3

ive been over my ex for a while now. i think all i really miss is the familiarity. im ready to experience something different, and hopefully something much better.

(no subject)

Jun. 13th, 2025 03:23 pm
greghousesgf: (Horse)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Yesterday turned to be a bit of a mixed bag, I had a nice time sitting outside listening to music on my cell phone and more fun hanging out in North Light listening to more music but Artichoke Basille was totally empty so no karaoke, I just had a drink and pizza and got bored so I left. Tonight should be better, I'm going to the new Wes Anderson movie.

(no subject)

Jun. 12th, 2025 12:21 pm
greghousesgf: (Boingboing)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Tonight I plan on indulging my inner music geek by going over to North Light to listen to some great music and have a drink and then to Artichoke Basille to do some karaokeing. :)

(no subject)

Jun. 11th, 2025 10:44 am
greghousesgf: (pic#17096904)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
What in the fuck is up with people just assuming I'm married? This isn't 1947, lots of people aren't married!
unrelated, I had a great time at the Skeptics in the Pub meeting last night, at least those people aren't stupid enough to assume everybody's married.

(no subject)

Jun. 10th, 2025 12:12 pm
greghousesgf: (pic#17098552)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Mailed my electric bill payment and picked up a few things including a slice of lemon cake from my favorite cafe. I'm waiting to hear from the guy from the skeptics group about when he's going to pick me up this evening.
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