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themusicorthemiseryis it really fair to feel unheard? mute words on deaf ears and the world will just keep spinning, right? putting just enough effort into a text to fly under the radar, like a sick lie detector test. throw me into space, it'll treat me the same.
not enough effort to be kind to another person, though. failed that benchmark and my phone won't go off again tonight. leave enough messages on read, you won't have any more to read. is that what i want? am i pushing, am i kicking and screaming and biting in the worst ways? am i just silent enough to fade a little, a wavering image of a person i was or could have been, if i had just done it all differently? making all the wrong moves and just waiting to get caught in the act. hurting people isn't a move, you're just destroying everything. is it fair to pretend like i... wanted this? didn't want this? i'll never make up my mind. telling all the wrong people all the wrong things like my wires are crossed. cut the red one? no, the blue one. grab them all and pull as hard as you can, see which one gives out first. it might just be me, but i bet it'll be someone else. i always hold on too tight until suddenly i don't. were we ever friends?
it shouldn't make me want to throw up when i lie to you. (it does.)
not enough effort to be kind to another person, though. failed that benchmark and my phone won't go off again tonight. leave enough messages on read, you won't have any more to read. is that what i want? am i pushing, am i kicking and screaming and biting in the worst ways? am i just silent enough to fade a little, a wavering image of a person i was or could have been, if i had just done it all differently? making all the wrong moves and just waiting to get caught in the act. hurting people isn't a move, you're just destroying everything. is it fair to pretend like i... wanted this? didn't want this? i'll never make up my mind. telling all the wrong people all the wrong things like my wires are crossed. cut the red one? no, the blue one. grab them all and pull as hard as you can, see which one gives out first. it might just be me, but i bet it'll be someone else. i always hold on too tight until suddenly i don't. were we ever friends?
it shouldn't make me want to throw up when i lie to you. (it does.)
